#4: Fig Nortons

 Hey! I made Fig Nortons! I don’t know what’s happening in my life anymore. I’m getting all gooped up all over the place. Work and friends and life and things.

And this dude who I’m thinking about a lot. He’s a total buttface and I didnt get to see him this weekend and I went to Meg’s wedding and I wished he was there and he wasn’t and I’m having some major gross feelings.

Anyway – these dumb feelings are a lot like the fig paste I made today. Sticky and sweet and disgusting to look at but you enjoy it anyway. FIG NORTONS!

Boil up about 12 fresh figs (minus the stems) with 2 cups of sugar, a cup of water and a cinnamon stick for 45 dang minutes! Drain and cool that mess and then put the figs into a food processor and make a fig paste (also known as feelings paste).

Make some dough! HGTV says 1 stick of butter, 1 egg, 1/3 cup sugar, 1-1/2 cups of AP flour, 1/4 tsp salt and 1/2 tsp baking powder.  (They also say 2 tbsp of orange juice, which I completely forgot but they still look and taste pretty great so do the juice if you want, but it’s not the end all…). Roll the dough out into a long rectangle. Spread the fig paste in a long line on one side of the dough-rectangle and then fold over the blank side onto the fig side and press that shit down.

Cook your fig log for 25-30 minutes at 350 – then cut into Norton-sized pieces.

I think these guys pair great with a peanut butter sandwich and some cold milk. But I’m not the boss of you – do whatever you want!

5 thoughts on “#4: Fig Nortons”

  1. Buttfaces really are the best.
    And I’m still perstrubed (new word) that you throw around this “AP flour” word like you’re some kind of Rachel Ray all “evoo” this, evoo that. You would think someone with a BA from a decent college and another dude with a JD from a good law school would get “AP flour” straight away (we won’t talk about that fact that he transferred to the good school after his first year at Pivot Point Beauty Academy–he’s still Passed the BAR after one go the summer he met me and attended 40+ Cubs games).


  2. While his hair is AMAZING, the Pivot Point thing unfortunately is a mistruth. He did transfer to Loyola though.

    Truth = this blog though is amazing.


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