I made these shits at 5:30 this morning. (Long story short – I woke up at 3am with a mini panic attack about a dang work project that has since been resolved! Toot toot! (that’s a mini-trumpet!))
I got up, went for a 4:30 run in the ravine, got scared because I saw maybe a family of snakes, ran back home and made some cookies! NORMAL! And, I have a ton of oatmeal in the house because, when I’m at the grocery store, I forget that I have a cupboard full of oatmeal and I think to myself “hey shit-for-brains, you need more oatmeal!” So – oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.
(Does the name make sense? The “Chip” is the chocolate chip and the “Neigh-Neigh” is the sound horses make – and horses eat oats…. and here’s this thing….)
SO! Before I get to the recipe – a quick story about OATMEAL! The summer after I graduated from NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY (go cats! meow!), I was broke as a joke and working for Advertising Age magazine in DOWNTOWN CHICAGO! I had barely enough money for rent and booze. I had the brilliant idea to eat nothing but oatmeal all summer long – morning, noon and night, y’all!
One day, I’m on my lunch break at the Borders bookstore on Michigan Avenue (this was the late ’90s! Remember Borders???) I was reading a magazine in the magazine section and this lady comes up to me and she says “You have great hair. I work for VIDAL SASSOON! Would you like to be a hair model?” A HAIR MODEL!
Eating oats all summer gave me beautiful horse hair!
The oatmeal also made me smell like a horse, youknowwhatI’msayin????
(This has now been the second anecdote about HORSE FARTS on this blog. more horse farts here)
Anyway – I said no because I was too dang embarrassed and now I have to live with the pain of never knowing what could’ve been if I was a world-famous HAIR MODEL.
Here’s the dang recipe:
2 sticks of butter
1 cup brown sugar & 1 cup gran sugar
Big splash of vanilla
2-1/2 cups of oatmeal, but like blend it in a blender for a bit before you dump in the mixer
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt, but heap that shit
And, a bag of choco chips or chunks or whatever. (NO FUCKING RAISINS!)
Mix it all up and bake up balls of this junk at 375 for like 14-15 minutes.