#35: Chip & Neigh-Neighs!


I made these shits at 5:30 this morning.  (Long story short – I woke up at 3am with a mini panic attack about a dang work project that has since been resolved!  Toot toot! (that’s a mini-trumpet!))

I got up, went for a 4:30 run in the ravine, got scared because I saw maybe a family of snakes, ran back home and made some cookies!  NORMAL!  And, I have a ton of oatmeal in the house because, when I’m at the grocery store, I forget that I have a cupboard full of oatmeal and I think to myself “hey shit-for-brains, you need more oatmeal!”  So – oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

(Does the name make sense?  The “Chip” is the chocolate chip and the “Neigh-Neigh” is the sound horses make – and horses eat oats….  and here’s this thing….)

SO!  Before I get to the recipe – a quick story about OATMEAL!  The summer after I graduated from NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY (go cats! meow!), I was broke as a joke and working for Advertising Age magazine in DOWNTOWN CHICAGO!  I had barely enough money for rent and booze.  I had the brilliant idea to eat nothing but oatmeal all summer long – morning, noon and night, y’all!

One day, I’m on my lunch break at the Borders bookstore on Michigan Avenue (this was the late ’90s!  Remember Borders???)  I was reading a magazine in the magazine section and this lady comes up to me and she says “You have great hair.  I work for VIDAL SASSOON!  Would you like to be a hair model?”  A HAIR MODEL!

Eating oats all summer gave me beautiful horse hair!

The oatmeal also made me smell like a horse, youknowwhatI’msayin????

(This has now been the second anecdote about HORSE FARTS on this blog. more horse farts here)

Anyway – I said no because I was too dang embarrassed and now I have to live with the pain of never knowing what could’ve been if I was a world-famous HAIR MODEL.

Here’s the dang recipe:

2 sticks of butter

1 cup brown sugar & 1 cup gran sugar

2 eggs

Big splash of vanilla

2-1/2 cups of oatmeal, but like blend it in a blender for a bit before you dump in the mixer

2 cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt, but heap that shit

And, a bag of choco chips or chunks or whatever.  (NO FUCKING RAISINS!)

Mix it all up and bake up balls of this junk at 375 for like 14-15 minutes.



5 thoughts on “#35: Chip & Neigh-Neighs!”

  1. You’d been a great hair model. But then, you might not be sharing kick-ass cookie recipes if you’d signed a hair contract. Sassoon’s loss is our gain. Neigh-yeah.


  2. Why do you always have to talk about farts. You know how I hate that! Cookies sound good though. And you would’ve made a great hair model, I think I would’ve been better, but you would’ve been good too. Wish we could’ve done and European tour of our hair .

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can’t stop laughing. Except about the part with the stressful work project that woke you up in the middle of the night. Ugh! And when you talk about toots (I don’t use the f word because then Ivy says it a million times in a row), all I can think about is the story you told me a LONG time ago about house sitting and a big turd. Is that inappropriate to say in your blog comments? I hope so.

    Liked by 1 person

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