Here’s a great great great story about Carmelitas. For about five years, I worked for this place called Wendy’s! I was on the hamburger marketing team, but my genius ideas extended far beyond hamburgers. Here’s a few of my best ones:
- a line of smoothies called Wendy’s Blendies
- a DVD of yoga poses for Wendy’s workers called Wendy’s Bendies
- a TV show where the real Wendy and I would drive around the country in a baby blue convertible and visit American landmarks and sing songs – the show would be called Jack & Wendy!
- Lucky Charm Frostys, which is just a vanilla Frosty with Lucky Charms mixed in. We would sell these in March for St. Patrick’s Day and compete head-to-head against McDonald’s Shamrock Shakes! Oh god this is such a good idea!
Anyway – there was a man that worked there who was an old fart and whose job it was to be mean and listen to the radio. He was maybe in his late 60s and had really nice white hair and an even nicer white mustache. (No joke – this describes half of the men at Wendy’s. So many mustaches!) This guy’s mustache was the best of all of them – it was so white and rich and thick – as if some vanilla Frosty took a long nap on his top lip. My friend Clare! and I used to imagine that he had two identical white mustaches under each of his nipples – and we named them Jessica and Carmelita!
And now! Whenever I think about carmelitas, I think about white nipple mustaches!
(My first boss at Wendy’s was a woman named Nancy and she would call this story “a long dock to a short boat” because it was long and pointless! Hi Nancy!)
Here’s your dang recipe!
2 sticka butter
3/4 cuppa gran sugar
3/4 cuppa brown sugar
Big splash of vanilla
2 cuppa flour
A heaper of a tsp of salt
1 regular tsp of baking soda
2 large handfuls of choco chips
Gobs of sprinkles
50 of those Kraft caramels (unwrapped)
maybe 3 big splashes of heavy cream
Mix up your butter, the sugars, the eggs, the vanilla, the salt, the flour and the baking soda.
Put some parchy paper in a 9×13 tin and then blop in half of your cookie dough mix. Use your (washed) hands to smash the dough down into a smooth-ish layer. Then blop on 1 handful of those choco chips and some sprinkles. Bake this mess for like 10 minutes at 350. While this is happening, microwave your caramels and cream for like 2 minutes and then stir. Microwave again and keep stirring until your caramel is smooth – smooth like one of Jennifer Lopez’s nicer wigs. Once your wig-smooth caramel is done and your first cookie layer is done, spread the caramel onto the cookie layer with a spatula. Don’t use your hands here because the cookie layer is hot, dummy – and the caramel is sticky! Ok – then, blop on the rest of the cookie dough – smooth this out as best you can and then top the whole thing off with more choco chips and sprinkles. Cook the whole kit and kaboodle now for another like 20 minutes. Maybe longer. Just eyeball it – you’ll know when it’s done because it’ll look done. Cool this waaay down before you even think about eating it. I tried to eat it right out of the oven and THAT’S a mistake I won’t soon forget.
That’s it! Hope y’all are having a great day!