#40: Birthday Cake Macarons

Hi hi hi hi hi!

Fuck! That was a stressful week, y’all!  So happy to have a weekend, but this weekend was cram-packed with stuff!  Rita came over Friday and we went to the market for thangs and then Jim drove down and then Jimmy and I went to Cameron’s new house to let loose some housewarming farts.  And all that was just Friday!

Saturday, we went to the farmer’s market for some meats and some jams and thangs.  Then, we got ready for Elle’s big wedding – holy shit – it was beautiful.  She wore this gold dress for the wedding!  GOLD DRESS!  It was amazing.  I’ll post a pic if I can find one…. I wore a tie from Structure that I bought about 20 years ago (no joke – I wore the same tie for my college graduation.  It’s a great tie).  Elle – if you’re reading this, I meant to point out my tie, but you were pretty busy yesterday.  We can catch up about my tie later….

Then this morning, Jimmy and I played tennis and took Vito (the one beagle that doesn’t have trouble walking – the one who does have trouble walking (Booger Sugar) stayed at home and relaxed).  We saw two turtles and an OWL!  Then he left and my friend Renee came over to help me make macarons.  Birthday Cake Macarons…..  I have really messed these up in the past, but Renee is a macaron expert so she made sure we came correct.  Anyway – here’s what I remember from the instructions….

For the cookies:

4 ounces almond flour

8 ounces powdered sugar

5 ounces egg whites

2.5 ounces granulated sugar

1 tsp clear vanilla extract

1 tsp butter flavoring

food coloring

1/2 tsp salt

Measure and sift your almond flour and powdered sugar in a bowl and set that mess aside.  Then, in a mixer, whip your egg whites and gran sugar on medium speed for 3 minutes and then on high speed for 3 minutes.  It should get stiff and peaky. After the 3 high speed minutes, lower speed to low and add the vanilla, butter flavor and salt – then back to high speed for another 3 minutes.  Add food coloring as you do….

Once your egg/sugar mix is done with the mixing, fold in the flour mix slowly.  Try hard to not mix too hard.  Be gentle, son!  Mix all that jazz until it’s all incorporated and the mix is like a pancake batter consistency.  Drip this jazz into a pastry bag and then pipe little circles out onto some parchy-paper-lined cookie sheets.  Give each tray a few slams down on the table to help make them figure themselves out.

Piping is so hard, y’all.  If you have a little circle template to use – do it.  They really work.  BUT – make sure you don’t make your circle blobs too big, because these shits will spread and maybe stick together.  Stressful!

OK – this bit is important.  You need to let these shits dry out for a FULL HOUR before they go into the oven.  They just need to just sit there and wait.  Maybe call your grandma.  What’s going on with her these days?  Tell her that your cousins are all pregnant – she will absolutely believe it and then you get them all in trouble.

After your drying out hour is up, pop these shits in a 300-degree oven for 22 minutes.

Hey man, here’s another 22 minutes for more phone calls or you can prep your fillings.  But when they done, they done!  Pull them out (your shits) and let them cool.  You can’t fill them warm or you’ll melt your frosting, dumdum.  Roll your filled macarons in sprinkly things and then chill for like 12 hours.  Or don’t – eat them right away.  I hear they’re even better after a chill.

For the filling:

so much butter

egg whites


granulated sugar

I’ve already spaced out on the instructions here, as I’ve started to have a few beers and I thought it was a little too overly complicated.  It made a really nice light buttercream – sure.  But, I think you can google this and just figure it out.  (We made like a double-boiler for this, which I try to avoid at all costs.  So much effort….).

Anyway – so happy with how these came out, but you really do need to set aside a lot of time and have all the tools to do this, so it’s your fucking funeral if you think you’re gonna bang these out in like 2 hours.  You won’t.  (I definitely encourage you to have a few beers as this goes down….)

Have a great week, everyone!  I’m so excited for it!  Yeah!

This dress…. 😍

My vintage Structure tie! 😎

2 thoughts on “#40: Birthday Cake Macarons”

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