#65: Filbert Linzers!!!

Hi team! 

Just about every year for the last few years, I go to Chicago over thanksgiving weekend. I will spend at least one night with my friend Kathleen drinking wine, making gingerbread houses and watching hallmark channel Christmas movies. We’ve seen so so so many of these movies together that we’ve started to write our own. Here’s a few of our greatest hits:

  • We Three Kings.  Three single hockey players (the LA Kings!) all fall in love with different people. One guy falls in love with a nerdy zamboni driver who gets a makeover and turns out to be a knock-out. One falls in love with the coach of a rival team (a gay love affair!). And one falls in love with the hot concession stand lady, whose son is in the hospital.  The three kings visit the son on Christmas Eve, bearing gifts and – miracle – the son is cured! 
  • A Dance For Santa. Holly is a ballerina who breaks her legs in an ice fishing accident. She has to work in her fathers hardware store since she can’t dance anymore. She befriends a mysterious oldster who needs help rebuilding his “workshop”. At some point she finds the courage to dance for him. She falls in love with some other younger dude along the way. Alicia Witt is in this for some reason. 
  • The Christmas Script. Two lonely nerds (Crystal and Howard) work at a network as script-writers, specializing in Christmas movie scripts. Even though they are office competitors, they end up falling in love working together on their own Christmas movie! META! 

The best one from this weekend was called No Way, Noel. It’s about a small town’s candle factory which closes down because the workers are on strike. The boss’s daughter is a hothead who hates Christmas (Noel!) and she butts heads with the union president who keeps saying “NO WAY!” to all of Noel’s lame attempts at negotiation. Don’t worry! They fall in love and the candle factory can fill all of the big Christmas orders!  (Alt title: A Town Without Candles???).  Candace Cameron Buré plays a grizzled candle factory security guard who dies pretty early on. (No one goes to the funeral.)

If anyone knows anyone at Hallmark, let us know and we’ll get these scripts fleshed out!!!! 

Ok. I would normally give a gingerbread house recipe here, but is just did a gingerbread recipe like three weeks ago! That’s too much gingerbread, y’all!  (Scroll down for pics of our houses tho!). 

Here’s my recipe for another Christmas classic – FILBERT LINZERS! 

First things first – did you know that hazelnuts are also known as filberts????  I literally just learned that and I’m so so excited!!! FILBERTS!!!!!

You need 2/3 cuppa filberts. These are expensive nuts, so don’t buy the pre-packed nuts. Go for the bulk filberts!!!!  It’s cheaper!!!! 

Ok – warm your filberts in the oven – 6 minutes at 350. That loosens the nut skin right up. Roll your warm nuts in a dishtowel to get your skins off!  Ok??! Wait. Here’s the rest of your ingredients. I’m getting way ahead of myself!!! I just wanted to explain the filberts!!!

1/2 cuppa brown sugar

2 sticka butter

1 egg

Medium splash of vanilla

2-1/2 cuppa flour 

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp cinnamon. 

Powdered sugar, Nutella, raspberry jam for decoration/filling

Remember your filberts??!  You gotta jazz these in a food processor until you get filbert powder. Dump that in a mixer with your butter and brown sugar and mix! Add in the egg and vanilla and all the other shit. Chill your dough for an hour. Roll and cut out circles. Cut smaller shapes into half of your circles – like stars or acorns or whatever the fuck you want. Bake your shits at 350 for 13 min. Dust your shape-cut circle cookies with powdered sugar and then plop your fillings on the non-shape-cut circles and make little cookie sandwiches. 

SPECIAL TREAT!!!  Here are a few pictures of one of my all-time favorite people (Kathleen!) and our various gingerbread houses from the last few years. 

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