hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!
My friend Cameron and I saw the live-action Beauty & The Beast last night and it was real dumb, y’all! (Mild spoiler ahead. The mildest!)
The new songs are boring, it’s too dark and the live action makes the story even less believable. I’ve already ranted on my Facepage about how lame the added gay LaFou story line is – but I want to call out a new outrage that really burns my biscuits.
First – let’s go back to 1991 when the animated movie first came out. I was 16 and I’m watching the movie and the Gaston song comes on. THIS IS THE SONG!
Sixteen year-old me was still sorting through some NEW FEELINGS. And then this happens:
Not gonna lie – this moment was the #1 / only thing I was interested in seeing yesterday.
AND THIS MOMENT WAS CUT!!!!! CUT!!!!!!!!! There was no hairy chest!!!!!!!!!!!! OUTRAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???????? Why why why why why?????? (Crying)
Seriously – why no hairy chest, Disney??? I’m guessing the studio was like “we’ll give the gays JOSH FUCKING GAD dancing with some dope at the end (no kisses) but we definitely cannot have a Gaston chest hair moment too. That’s too much….”.
FOLDED ARMS! FROWN FACE! TWO STOMPS!!!!
Anyway – that’s the only thing I’ve been thinking about the last 24 hours.
Here’s your dumb brownie recipe (these shits are delicious, y’all!):
4oz choco bits
3/4 cup olive oil!!!!
2 cups sugar
4 (FOUR!) eggs
1-1/2 cup flour
2/3 cup cocoa powder
1/2 tsp salt
Ok. Here’s the skinny. You need to temper/melt your choco bits in a double boiler situation to start. That’s like a glass bowl plopped on top of a pot of boiling water. Stir in the olive oil, right in with the melting choco bits. And then, stir in the sugar and eggs. Add some vanilla or espresso powder here if you wanna get real nuts. Then in another bowl, mix your dry ingredients (flour, cocoa & salt). Pour your wets in with your drys and then bloop it all in a greased up 9×13 and bake that bitch for 35 min at 350.
Now then – is everyone up to speed on MILLENNIAL PINK? New York magazine wrote this very important story this week (HERE! READ IT!) and I guess this is a thing!!! I hope the Millenial pink frosting makes my Instagram EXPLODE WITH MILLENIAL PANDEMONIUM!!!!