hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!
The end of this blog is coming up real fast, y’all! Only 15 more of these shits to go and I’m both really excited to be finished with this and a little uncertain about what happens next. I’ve been kicking around a few ideas. I’m not sure I like any of them though. One involves a just-me farmer’s market which I operate on my front lawn. It’s really just cukes & zukes & tomatoes that I grow in my backyard and maybe some cookies or other baked goods. JUST-ME FARMERS MARKET! That’s Idea #1.
Another idea related to Idea #1 is Idea #2. You know how truffles are like only found in like the woods of France and Italy? That’s so dumb. It’s 2017, people. There’s got to be a way for me to figure out how to use SCIENCE to grow truffles just as good as those French truffles in my yard. I’ll sell my Ohio truffles for $1 less/pound than French truffles and make a FORTUNE! And, I’ll get a truffle-hunting pig for ***authenticity***. This idea is called JACK VOLPI TRUFFLES.
Idea #3 is green underpants. They’re like white underpants, but green. And I’ll call them GREEN MEANIES. And there will be a pocket built in. This is my least favorite idea.
And then! Idea #4 is Baking & Banking. It’s a blog or a book combining recipes for delicious baked goods combined with sound financial advice. Here are some sample stories:
- Retire-mint Thins
- Bakla-Variable Annuities (or Chewy Annuities. Still working on this)
- Ice Cream Social Security
- Long Term Care-amels
- Gingerbread House Mortgage Refinancing
Anyway – aside from maybe the truffles, I’m not very excited about any of these (although I’ve already secured a website for Baking & Banking…) If anyone has any thoughts – please let me know. I sure do love a good brainstorm session…. THANK YOU!
Here’s your dang recipe, folks!
1 – 1/2 sticks of butter so soft it’s like your face after a good face massage
3/4 cups of gran sugar
3/4 cups of cocoa powder*
1-1/2 tsp baking powder
1/8 tsp salt
1-1/2 cup flour
*I officially hate recipes with cocoa powder now. The minute you even LOOK at it, it explodes all over your kitchen. NO THANK YOU!
Ok – just mix all this junk together. Roll your mixed dough into a ball, smash it into like a disk situation, wrap your disk in a wax paper or a plastic wrap and chill that junk for a half hour. THIRTY DANG MINUTES! You can use this time to clean up all of the exploded cocoa powder from every single nook and cranny in your entire life.
Once your THIRTY MINUTES is up, make frog shapes with your dough on your parchy-paper lined baking sheet. I made little legs for my frogs so I could stand them up, which I think is a fun idea. Hello hello? It’s fun, ok? OK!
Now, bake these shits for 11 minutes and that’s that!
Once your cookies are cooled down, you can spread on a matcha buttercream frosting on them. And then just prop the main frog cookie on two little frosted legs!!!! Now it’s a 3-D frog cookie fantasy!
Matcha Buttercream Frosting BTW – it’s just regular buttercream frosting with matcha powder mixed in. Just in case you were wondering!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A NOTE ABOUT MATCHA. Ugh – It’s fucking disgusting. I tried to be a tea drinker for a while a few years ago and I was like “I might as well drink microwaved bong water!” If you don’t like tea, just color your regular frosting green and move on with your life.