#90! Alfajores!!!!

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!

Greetings from Argentina, y’all!

I’ve read a few articles about how travel, especially international travel, makes your brain grow.  SCIENCE FACT: when you’re traveling, you’re constantly solving puzzles and decoding language, which makes your soft and ugly brain become excited and more attractive. After a week in Argentina, my brain looks like Bradley Cooper and Chris Pratt  had a baby. Real, real handsome!!!!

For example, here are some new ideas I had while I was on vacation:

1. A restaurant that only serves flights. Here’s the skinny – people love samples and tasting new things without committing to a whole thing. My friend Emily and I once had a toast flight, which is the definition of White Nonsense. But this restaurant would flight all sorts of things: cookies (obvi), jams, beef parts, coffees, eggplants, gourmet candy corns, whatever! People will love it!

2.  A drag queen named Nut Butters.  I once told our local drag queen Nina West that a great drag queen song would be Miley Cyrus’s Wrecking Ball, because when you tuck, I’m guessing it’s kind of painful. She never talked to me again after that, but maybe Nut Butters would make this her signature song!?!?

3. We watched a lot of The Young Pope these last seven days, which is a great great show. It made me think I would be a  real cool pope.  Very progressive! Very INCLUSIVE! And I’d have a cool pope app where I’d send out cool, personalized texts to all my people, like “Hey [your name here], you’re doing super great this week! TGIF, right???? Big hugs – POPE JACK”. I’d also have a fire sale of all the junk in Vatican City and donate that to all the poor people who need money! Details on the pope app!

4. The mayor of Naples, Florida is a snake named Judy Hiss and the front door of Naples Town Hall has a small little snake hole for her to slither into.

5. This isn’t a new idea or anything, but I made these alfajores this weekend and I’m real proud of myself for figuring out a Buenos Airesian grocery store!

Ok here’s your dumb recipe:

Cream your manteca and azucar together in a bowl using whatever you have in the airbnb. Add in one full huevo (minus shell) and two egg yolks (yemas). Mix!

Ok. Now add the maicena, the harina, the levadura en polvo and the salt (sel).  Note. The airbnb guy had seasalt and I thought it was so good in this recipe. Like you’ll take a bite and get a mini-crunch of sea salt and you’ll be like “wow wow weee wow! Yay!”

You should have a kind of wet dough at this point. Just stick it in the fridge for a half hora.   During this time, you can get yourself into a stone-cold panic about how to turn on the gas stove.  First things first, make sure the gas is on, but not on so much that you fill the apartment with gas and set the neighborhood on fire.  Next, find the matches. (Hey stupid, they’re right next to the stove). Ok. Say a prayer, light a match and stick it into the oven gas-hole. Have you wet your pants? If so, take a quick shower and return to the kitchen ASAP.

While your stove is heating up, start rolling out your dough on a harina’ed up counter.  If you can’t find a rolling pin, use a wine bottle or anything in the cupboards that looks rolling-pinnish.  Now, I thought ahead and brought my own cookie cutter.  (So so smart! A real solid plan, Jacko!). But you can easily roll balls and smash them flat with your hands or whatever is laying around.  Cook these shits for about 14 minutes or until like they’re finished and not burnt.

When your shits are done, let them cool for a tic. Here’s where the DDL happens. DDL is dulce de leche and it’s how the cool kids say it! Ok. Just glob on globs of DDL on your cookies and that’s a basic-bitch alfajore. I think real Argentines roll the DDL edges in shredded coconut and sometimes dip the whole mess in melted chocolate. I tried the chocolate business, but I used milk chocolate and it was overkill. So, if you want my dos pesos, just do the DDL and call it un dia.

BONUS: here’s my BUENOS AIRES travel map and a video of all my trip pics! If BA isn’t on your travel list, I say “put it right on there, dummy!” You’ll love it!

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