Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!
Jimmy decided to sponsor some Syrian Kurd refugees a few weeks back. Details are fuzzy right now on exactly what that means, but I assume he hangs out with them and brings them socks and toothpaste and helps them do the dishes or whatever. I don’t know a lot about Kurds – only that they don’t have their own sovereign state where they can do their own thing without people getting into their business. So this Kurd family was living in Syria, where – as you know – there’s all sorts of craziness happening. They were like “you know what? Let’s go to Cleveland!”
So – I don’t know a lot about their particular plight – I’m hoping Jimmy lets me tag along when he visits them next so I can say hi. All I know is that it’s got to be rough to pick up and move all your shit, say goodbye to all your friends and family and just live in a completely different place – probably with no money and maybe not speaking the language. ROUGH STUFF! And this dope DONALD TRUMP wants to take in fewer refugees just when there are more refugees out there than ever before.
What can I do? Well, for starters, I can welcome this Syrian Kurd family with some Jacklava (that’s baklava but with party sprinkles mixed in). Baklava is kind of a tray-bake invented in the Ottoman Empire. I hope they like it. If not, I TRIED!
The other (probs more meaningful) thing is I can donate more $$ to the UNHCR, which is the UN refugee agency. I’m trying real real hard to have a dry July, which means no rosé for 31 days. I’m going to donate all of my rosé budget to UNHCR. If y’all want to make a donation, visit this here link.
And if you want to make some Jacklava, here’s your dang recipe!
NOTE 1 – Jacklava is a baklava but with party sprinkles.
1 package (16 oz) phylo dough sheets
2 sticks melted butter
more butter for rubbing down your Jacklava pan (9 x 13″)
1 pound, chopped nuts (my nut mix was 3 parts pistachios and 1 part walnuts)
1 tsp cinnamon
like 3 tbsp sprinkles
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup honey
2 splashes vanilla
Yeesh – this shit takes a while. Give yourself about 2 hours or so….
First off, grease up that pan with the rubbing down butter I mentioned up in the ingredients list.
Crush them nuts next. A full pound! Stir the nuts with the cinnamon in a stirring bowl. NOTE 2 – I used a combo of pistachios and walnuts, mostly because pistachios are expensive and I had some walnuts at home. You can use whatever nut situation you want. Get crazy! Almonds? Sure. Pecans? Why not???? Cashews? NOT TECHNICALLY A NUT, so no cashews.
This reminds me of a great joke that I wrote a few years ago.
What’s the best part of sitting first class on a Navy Bean Airlines flight?
NOTE 3 – I also mixed in party sprinkles in my nut mix. Per Nina Bo’nina Brown, sue me….
Roll out your phylo sheets. You need to start making the base of your Jacklava. Take two sheets of phylo and lay them in the pan and spread melty butter over that first layer. Do this three more times until you have eight sheets of phylo in your pan with melty butter in between every two layers. This requires counting. Don’t be afraid – you can do it.
Once you have all eight sheets in (four layers), take about 4 tablespoons of your nut mix and spread that on top. Then two more sheets of phylo – melted butter – more nuts. Do this phylo/butter/nuts until you run out of nuts. That’s a lot of layers, broham. Sip on some gin/juice if you need it to get through this. It’s boring. That’s how baklava goes….
NOTE 4 – some of your phylo will rip. That’s fine. Phylo rips if you look at it funny. Don’t be a little bitch about it. It’s fine. You really only need perfect unripped layers for the top. (And if you’re tipping a gin/juice while you’re doing this, the phylo won’t be the only thing that’s ripped in the kitchen…..)
Is your nut mix exhausted? Good! You should still have some phylo left over, which you will need for the top bit. Basically do the same thing on top that you did for the base. Two sheets of phylo + butter for like 3 – 4 more layers. DON’T BUTTER THE TOP LAYER! NOT YET!!!!
Is your oven on yet? If not, turn it on!!!! 350 degrees! While it’s warming up, cut your baklavas up. You gotta do it now. I don’t know why, that’s just what needs to happen. The recipe from Allrecipes.com that I used to help me with my recipe says that you should wet your knife up before each cut because it’ll help with the cutting process. IT WORKS, OK????
Once your shits are cut, you can butter the top layer. Then it’s time to bust that shit in the oven. 50 whole minutes…. Ugh…
While the baklava is in the oven, you can work on your honey glaze situation. Put your water and sugar in a saucepan and get that shit to boiling. You’ll want the sugar all dissolved. Lower the heat when you have sugar dissolvement. Throw in your honey, salt and vanilla and simmer the whole mess for about 20 minutes.
When your baklava is out of the oven, spoon on your honey glaze! Woo! I guess it’ll get real soggy if you cover the tray or whatever, so just let your baklavas breathe, ok? THAT’S IT!