#95! Pesto Palmiers!!!

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!

I’m getting so much better at gardening, y’all! I officially have FIVE TOMATOES on my plants – my biggest tomato yield EVER!!!!  And my herbs are all going nuts this year thanks to all this dumb rain we’ve been getting. My oregano is like “awwwwww shit! I’m blasting out all OVER THE DANG PLACE!”  My grandma would be so proud!!!

Back when I was working for the SCOTTS MIRACLE-GRO COMPANY – I had loads of amazing ideas for micro-agribusinesses. I was really into Cukes & Zukes for a while.  And then I started a pumpkin patch at the community garden (which became just a giant spider colony). But my fave idea was to become an Ohio truffle tycoon.

Here’s the deal: truffles are so expensive because SUPPOSEDLY they’re only grown in a certain region of Western Europe, right???  It’s 2017, people!  How is it possible that we can’t replicate truffle growing conditions anywhere else in the world????   I guarantee it’s all about ferts & dirts. You just have to get the right pH balance and a few starter spores and you’re in business. Just look at my front yard – it’s perfect for all sorts of vegetation!  It’s shaded and gets plenty of rain….

Adorable, right????  That’s my dang bedroom right on the top left, y’all!  I’m in that bedroom RIGHT NOW!!!!

Oh! AND – I will get a truffle pig just to seal the deal!  Little ROSCOE P. HOTSAUCE! That’s the pig’s name!!!! And we’ll find the truffles and sell them for $0.50/pound LESS than those European dopes – and no import taxes!!!!  It’s such a great idea, RIGHT????!


Anyway – as I was saying – I have a real bumper crop of herbs this year, including basil! So I made a pesto and then used that dang pesto in some mini-palmiers, which BTW, go great with scrambled eggs….

here’s your dang recipe:

For the palmiers, all you really need is some thawed out puff pastry from the Kroger freezer aisle.

Unfold a sheet of pastry dough and then cut out like a 9×9 square. Maybe 10×10. I don’t know. I just didn’t have all that much pesto so I had to cut a smaller square than you normally get from a pastry sheet!!!!

Ok. Spread on your pesto onto the pastry and then fold that shit up!  Just like in and in and then in again like a magazine centerfold! Woo woo! The pesto is like a naked lady photo! Hubba hubba!

Ok then slice up your folded deals into palmier slices and then bake those shits at 450 for like 6 minutes. Flip them shits and bake for another 4-6 until they’re done! THAT’S IT!!! It’s so dumb and easy – why have I not made these before??????

Ok. Last thing.  My friend Brooke from Chicago came to visit this weekend and brought her dang wiener kids PARKER & COLEY!  They were ridiculously cute and they love talking about farts and weens.  And they showed me this video and I can’t stop thinking about it…. boots & pants, y’all!


NOTE – I guess I mentioned my truffle business back in #85!  Sorry – that was a terrible cookie and I immediately flushed the brain toilet after that blog post.  UGH!!!  I’m going to just dump that whole blog post soon.  Why is matcha a thing?  It’s so fucking gross.

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