#97! Millionaires TWO WAYS!

Oh!  Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!

FIRST, can I take two minutes to bitch about how much I’ve hated this week?  Work got me double-crusted this week.  On top of crusty work stuff, I’ve had some personal life setbacks that just compounded the gross work feelings.  And instead of going to the gym, I ate some disgusting food and was just in a FUNK all week long.  More than thrice this week, I’ve wanted to pack a very small suitcase, burn my house down, get into my car and just peace-out.  Is this what having a mid-life crisis looks like????

NUMBER TWO – since we’re getting close to the end, I’ve made a list of the highlights and the lowlights of this dumb blog.  I’m saving the highlights for next week, but thought I’d share the lowlights since I’m already in the dang dumps:

  •  #10 Raspberry Champagne Bars.  God, these were fucking gross – and the blog post that went with them was real fucking lame too….  SORRY!
  • #85: Matcha Frogs UGH – WHY????  I fucking HATE green tea.  WHY WHY WHY did I think this was a good idea????  The photos were butt-ugly too…  The blog post was only medium funny.  Jeez – I’m real sorry for that one, y’all!
  • #38: Titus Andromedons I really wanted these to work out, but they really were massive failures.  Yikes – that was so bad, team – a REAL FAT SMELLY STINKER!
  • #80: Butter Bars  YOU GUYS!  These were supposed to be so amazing.  Rita and I had just gotten back from Arizona and had some butter bars there and I wanted to replicate them, but I just completely SCREWED THE POOCH on these dang bars!  SAD!
  • #24: Potato Chip Cookies The photo of these fuckers sure does look good, but Sweet Cheezus, these were fucking disgusting. 

THREEEEEEEE – I took the Pottermore quiz and got sorted into Hufflepuff.  This feels right to me.

FOUR. Jimmy wrote a joke today. Why does Donald Trump always wear dark suits? Even his diapers are leakers. 

🤚🏼 FIVE 🤚🏼
This is a cat named Klaus Wunderbar. I’m a great artist. 

SIX!!!! When I was in grade school, I brought the same lunch every day. A peanut butter sandwich and a snack bag of Fritos.  Genius move: I would put the Fritos INSIDE the sandwich for extra crunch. 

So….. that’s what inspired the frito/pb millionaire recipe this week!  

HERE’S YOUR DANG RECIPE! (7!)

Typical millionaires are shortbread with caramel and chocolate on top. I’ll get to that version below. Here’s the pb/frito version first:

For shortbread, mix 1/3 cup sugar, I cup flour and I stick cold butter cut into small niblets.  Use your hands to do the mixing. And then use your hands again to mash this into a greased up square baking dish. Make sure you get a flat even layer and then use a fork to poke holes all over.  Baked your poked shortbread dough for 20 min at 350. 

When your shortbread is cooled post-bake, spread a layer of jam or jelly on top. 

For the peanut butter topcoat, mix 1/2 cup pb with 1 stick room temp butter, 2 cups powdered sugar and as many splashes of milk as you’ll need to get a fluffy pb frosting. Blob on the frosting and smooth it down with a spatula. Add corn chips and chill for like 2 house. 

***********

For traditional millionaires, the shortbread part is the same. 

For the middle caramel layer, stir together a 14 oz can of sweetened condensed milk and a tbsp butter over medium heat for like 15 minutes. Constant stirring so your shit don’t burn/bubble over. And don’t use a glass pan.  Use metal. There will be boiling which will then turn to a trick caramel situation. Keep stirring. FIFTEEN MINUTES, I SAID!!!!  Add some sea salt if you want. 

When your caramel is done, spread it over your cooled down shortbread. Then melt five giant handfuls of choco chips (almost a full bag) in a double boiler. Spread your melto choco over the caramel and chill that mess for 2 hours before serving. 

That’s it! I think you can really make anything into a millionaire if you try hard enough. Be creative! Do whatever the fuck you wanna do, player!!!!  

One thought on “#97! Millionaires TWO WAYS!”

  1. Well it seems your daily lunch practices hasn’t changed as an adult either cough *lean cuisines* cough

    Wuv you! Wuv this entry!! I’m gonna make those yummies!!

    Like

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