Real talk – I’ve had three wines.
I met my friend Keri for some beverages and a meat board and now I’m writing a blog! So, get excited for some nonsense, y’all!
Ernest Hemingway may or may not have said sometime in his weird life the following: Write drunk, edit sober.
Listen – I’m writing and editing about 4 sheets to the wind and IT IS LIBERATING.
First off – this weekend was pretty medium. It started out as a barf bag, but then I got to spend some time with Jimmy’s family and they’re all so perfect and beautiful and just a bunch of Linda Evangelistas and they stoned their tights and their smiles are beautiful.
Sorry – I fell into an Aja k-hole for a second….
Speaking of – did y’all watch RUPAUL ALL STAR 3? Holy moses, smell the roses, that was such a good show. Listen – I know I’m supposed to be really rooting hard for Trixie, but she comes across as just a smidge entitled – at least in the first episode. After show #1, I’m more inclined to be for Aja or Ben Delacreme. That Anaconda lip sync was SO GOOD!
And, I really have NOT been all that interested in Milk, but jeezy petes, he is real real handsome out of drag. REAL HANDSOME.
(photo of Milk as a boy here….)
All right – should we talk about cookies? Is anyone really just interested in recipes and not the dumb stories that go along with these blogs? If you’re just into the cookies – hey, I’m sorry. I like the story parts. I think it really adds just a whole lot of extra context for what’s happening in my dumb life.
So – I made some snickerdoodles over the weekend. You know how just about every fucking snickerdoodle recipe calls for cream of tartar and your cookies end up tasting metallic? I always thought that the metal cream of tartar taste was just part of a snickerdoodle. Well….. cream of tartar is just a dumb rising agent and you can use like so many other things to get your cookies to rise. Baking soda, baking powder, egg whites. Those are at least three other rising agents RIGHT THERE. And I am telling you (!!!) that cream of tartar is fucking bullshit. Throw it away! It’s terrible. Here’s maybe my favorite ever tartar-less snickerdoodle recipe and it’ll put a tingle in your dingle. A DINGLE TINGLE!
2 sticks of room temp butter
1-1/4 cups of gran sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
2-3/4 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
Ok – just mix this shit together. I did my wets first and then added my drys. Your dough will be kind of sticky and clammy – like your neighbor’s face if your neighbor has the flu and has a sticky face. Chill your dough so it just perks up a little.
While your clammy dough is perking up, make a cinnamon sugar. It’s like 3 tbsp of gran sugar and 2 tsp of cinnamon. This will only take about two minutes and your dough needs to chill for another 28 minutes. So – find a Sudooku and just work on that for a while – or do a load of laundry. WHATEVER. Just wait until your dough has perked up. Once you have a nice perky dough, roll out some balls and plop those shits on a baking tray. Bake em up for about 9 – 10 min at 350.
HO-LEEEE SHIT. These are some of the moistest and dreamiest snickerdoodles you’ll ever have in your life, champ! NO JOKE – I think this is my new go-to recipe for dreamy snickerdoodles. Did I mention that there’s no cream of tartar???? FUCK THAT SHIT!
OK – so I made sorta small balls because I wanted to make tiny little sandwich fuckers. Alls I did was made a vanilla buttercream, but instead of vanilla, I added Kahlua. KAHLUA!!!!! It just makes your dreamy snickerdoodles like 100% more perfect.
My idiot friend Cameron doesn’t like cinnamon, which means he’ll never know how great these are. He’s such a Morgan McMichaels – just really missing out on so much. Poor poor Cameron.
Anyway – I’ve said too much – I’VE SAID TOO MUCH!
BYE FOREVER! (still medium drunk)