Jeezy Petes y’all! Hi!
Can I be fucking honest with y’all?? These peanut butter cookies were pretty medium. I don’t have a go-to recipe for PB cookies yet, so I just go to the internet and type in “soft peanut butter cookies”. I found this page… HERE’S THE LINK! Sandra – you seem like a real interesting person, but these cookies were neither “soft” nor “best ever”….
(Oh my god – if I end up in a blog war with Dash Of Sanity Sandra – this will be a 2018 Highlight…. Stay tuned…)
Anyway – I’m sorry to “pop off” on ol’ Sandra, but those cookies were dry AF! (and another thing! You have to scroll for 7,000 years before you get to the recipe. SANDRA – get to the dang point!) Meanwhile – you’re reading this terrible blog and I’m not even sharing a recipe! SORRY ABOUT IT!!!!
(no I’m not)
Ooooooh – someone’s in a real crusty and dusty mood today!
Listen – can I just have one fucking day a year to be a dickhead? I found out that two people I medium know now have tv shows and I have ZERO.ZERO tv shows. SANDRA – do YOU have a TV show???? (again, Sandra – I’m sorry – just in a real mood!). I’m just over here busting my humps thinking up real medium cookie ideas and Martha Dang Stewart hasn’t called me up to do her next holiday special. My humps are all busted from my busting them all day! MARTHA! CALL ME!
Maybe my format is all wrong? I’m noodling some blog upgrades. Guest bloggers! More lists! Videos & stop motion animation! More butt pictures???? Remember when I had butt pictures???? SANDRA – remember????? I need some kind of search box so people can search stuff – I can’t believe I’m 41.5 years old and I’m just now coming to that realization. Also – I need to add in some tags so I can just type in Ryan Reynolds to find the post I did about Deadpool 1 a million years ago. (Cameron and I just saw Deadpools 2 and it STUNK!).***
(Remember The Critic from forever ago???? Such a good show!)
NOTE – The only good part about Deadpools 2 was Rob Delaney who is a goddamn national treasure.
Other things that are giving me a RED RUMP:
- It’s so hot out and I’m literally ALWAYS SWEATING.
- There’s so much construction in and around Columbus right now and it takes me forever to do anything.
- I don’t even know what’s happening on The Handmaid’s Tale anymore. I give up. Praise Gilead.
- Every time I display one of my deeply personal knickknacks in the house, Jimmy will move it when I’m not looking – even though there are seven million pictures of beagles and old weird Irish people all over the house. STOP MOVING MY KNICKKNACKS, BRO! YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO!
- Did I squander my 20s??? Ugh – probably!
- One of my colleagues wants to plan some kind of welcome mingle party for our floor at work so we can meet our new work neighbors (a few of us just moved from the 6th floor to 24). She’s real sweet to want to do it, but I don’t want to do a weird mingle party and talk to people I don’t know!
- I have no idea what Cardi B is all about.
OK! That should just about do it.
JACK VOLPI PROMISE – I will work on my peanut butter cookies and come back with a recipe I feel great about. That will be my Back Half Of 2018 OBJECTIVE.
(Final thing – I googled “Rob Delaney butt” because it seemed like a fitting way to close out this blog and there are zero.zero files found. The tighty-whitey photo above is about as good as it gets.)
***EXCITING UPDATE – I did just update the blog with Search box! And it works! Just type in Ryan Reynolds and see for yourself!!!