Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!
LEVEL-SETTING – I’m 41.5 years old. And, generally speaking, I think I’m medium attractive. I know I’m not ever going to reach Henry Cavill levels of attractiveness ever in my dumb life, but I’m also not a walking goat anus either. I’ve been mistaken for a Fat Ben Affleck AND Ben Affleck’s dad, both pretty flattering and accurate compliments.
But – just over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed some CHANGES.
- I have a toenail that looks less like a toenail and more like a Frito Scoop.
- I slept on my neck weird and it made my arm tingle and I thought I might’ve had a heart attack so now I take fish oil pills JUST IN CASE. (ps my blood pressure is in the normal range. My dentist just took my blood pressure and she said IT’S NORMAL)
- I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating – I have WHITE CHEST HAIR.
- I got my head hair cut last weekend and the barber showed me the back of my head in a mirror and it was like I have only 7 hairs left back there. Like – where is the rest of the back-of-the-head hair???? And why is it all GRAY???
- Don’t even get me started on the back / shoulder hair….
I just posted a selfie on Instagram to try to gauge my attractiveness. I feel like previous selfies have had a lot more “you’re an Adonis” comments, “will you please be my boyfriend?” proposals and comparisons to Ben Affleck’s relatives. But I’m feeling like I’m just so old these days. Thank god I suckered Jimmy into being my boyfriend when I still had some semblance of “it goin on”.
So – yes – I’m on fish oil pills now. And I’ve started on a hair thickening shampoo & scalp rejuvenation program. I’ve scheduled an appt with my doctor for a full physical, which will include toenail analysis. And, I’m at the gym almost every dang day now trying to eliminate early-onset jowls. JOWL EXERCISES!!!!
I’m just in a dang funk now because I’m only going to get older and older and more irrelevant than ever.
Here’s this dumb recipe….
ok. Just buy some pie dough and roll it out into a real thin layer. Then get some peanut butter and some white choco chips. Melt the chips (about 1 cup) and mix with 1 cup of the PB. Cut rectangles of the dough and blop on some of the PB junk in the middle. Cover the bottom rectangle with a top rectangle and crimp down the sides with a fork. Use the same fork to poke in air holes on the top of each guy. Find an egg and scramble it and then do an egg wash on the tops of the fork-holed tops. Bake these shits on 425 for about 15 min but eyeball them in the oven for doneness – OK?????
Alright – I used the MOLLY YEH choco glaze recipe, but GUESS WHAT. If you use her dang recipe, there’s only 2 TB of milk, but you really need 4. MOLLY – FIX YOUR RECIPE!!!!!
Truth be told this is all a variation on the Molly Yeh recipe. Have y’all seen her show yet??? UGH! 💕💕💕🥊
So, I blipped on some choco glaze and then put a little cut out cookie on top of that and shit bro it looks so good!!!!