COOKBOOK REVIEW: Zac Posen’s Fucking Awful Cookbook

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi

Last Christmas, my friend Cameron gave me the Zac Posen cookbook as a joke. We watch the project runway religiously together and we share a mutual disgust of Zac Posen. He comes off as a real smug dandy who thinks he’s just so clever, BUT HE WILL NEVER BE MICHAEL KORS. NEVER!!!!!!!!

Anyway I nearly shit my pants when I found out that fucking Zac Posen wrote a cookbook for some reason. I’d like to share with you now some thoughts about the ridiculousness of the Zac Posen cookbook.

First – so many pictures of Zac Posen in the cookbook in case you want to see what he looks like wearing a variety of dumb hats.

Here’s one of him looking at some dirt

Powerful….

and here’s one of him next to a croque en bouche, which I guarantee he did not make.

And here he is in a boat holding a white circle and his neck is like “I give up… BYE FOREVER”.

The reason these pictures make me so angry is because there are so many recipes in the book that don’t get photos at all. I would’ve really liked to see a picture of the Pfefferneuse cookies but I get like 15 pictures of Zac Posen’s dumb face. I KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE ALREADY!

Here’s one of the recipes that did get a photo…

THESE ASPARAGUSES LOOK LIKE DONGS!!!!!!!

DONGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There’s no doubt in my mind that Zac maybe helped with like six of these recipes and all of the others were created by his helper Rachel. I’m sure he had to review and approve them all to make sure they met his snooty high standards. I just don’t trust this dude. One of my cookbook recipes is definitely going to be called Handful of Reece’s Pieces.

Anyway, I found a recipe that actually sounded interesting and I gave it a go…. it was his walnut and butterscotch cookies. (Another recipe without a photo…)

But here’s the deal. I didn’t have enough flour for a full batch so I had to wing it a little on the half batch measurements. And I didn’t have walnuts so I subbed in toasted sesame seeds for kind of a benne wafer deal. NOTE – in South Carolina, benne wafers are just sesame seed cookies and it’s kind of a big deal there. Anyway, I modified Zac Posen’s recipe kind of more than i expected but fuck it. My benne wafers are delicious and here’s your dumb recipe.

1 cup (give or take) sesame seeds – toast them in a 350 degree oven for about 4-5 min. Maybe less. Definitely not longer.

1/2 stick butter

1 cup, brown sugar

1 egg

Just under 2/3 cup flour

~1/4 tsp sat

~2/3 tsp baking powder

Mix all this shit together and roll the dough into a log and then freeze said log for about 2 hours. Slice thin slices and bake those fuckers for about 6 minutes.

Note 1 – these shits will spread so space them out on your tray

Note 2 – my oven is real real powerful and can’t be trusted with cook times anymore. Just eyeball your shits to see when they turn golden brown.

Note 3 – the dough will be delicious but do not eat raw dough. You will have so many farts the next day.

Note 4 – with all my fix-ups to this recipe, you know what that means…..

Zac – this is how you take a cookbook photo…..

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