Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
Friday night, Rita and her huz The Skipper and I went to this weirdo farm up north to learn about bees! It was rad! There was a beautiful beekeeper named DAVE who was a real hippie type and he gave us a full bee education! Like bees aren’t animals – THE COLONY IS THE ANIMAL! Wut???? That’s a science fact, y’all!
He also said that todays American style honeybees aren’t even true Americans. They’re immigrants maybe from Africa! Back a long ass time ago, American settlers were like “we need honey over here. Let’s put some bees on a boat and ship those guys over so we can get HONEY!” And that’s when I came up with my next big movie idea called BEES ON A BOAT!!!! It’s going to star Leo DiCaps as a bee who fell asleep in his hive and whoops / now he’s on a boat to America. Kate Winslet is the queen and she’s like “paint me like your French whores”. Then they bone and his bee penis snaps off in her bee vagina (which is science) and that’s the end of the movie….
We all got to put on beekeeper hats and pull honeycombs out of the hives and for our bravery we all got eyepatches!?
Then we took the combs into the hot as balls greenhouse to collect the honey!
Did y’all know that honey comes out of the bee mouth and wax comes out the pooper!??? I learned so so so much! At the end, everyone got their own mini bottle to take home which is why I was like “hey y’all! I’m gonna use this in a bake.”
So I found a recipe in the Martha Stewart book for something called Honey Florentines which I’ve never heard of before but they’re like a brandy snap – real thin, v much like is a werthers original and a communion wafer had a baby – that’s what these shits are like. I mean they’re more like a weird candy than a cookie, because they’re so sweet…. but what the fuck do I know????
Also this dang recipe wins the award for fewest and least amount of ingredients. Check this mammajam out:
3 tbsp honey
4 tbsp brown sugar
4 tbsp butter
4 tbsp flour
2 pinches, salt
Melt your honey, butter and brown sugs together until melted and then mix with the flour and salt. THEN! Use a dang 1/2 tsp to blop our mini blops on a parchy paper cookie sheet. These shits will spread so maybe only 6 blops per tray. MAYBE 8! Then bake these shits at 375 for about 5.5/6 min.
Then cool the trays on a wire rack and decorate with a melted choco and maybe some crunched nuts or whatever. I feel like these are not the kinds of cookies anyone would ever make in their right mind because they’re kind of stupid. But if you just want to celebrate your first honey harvest and impress Beekeeper Dave, give these shits a try.
I HAVE A HEADACHE AND I’M GOING TO TAKE A NAP NOW! BYEEEEEE!