#30: Shitbird S’mores 


So Jimbo and I got back from Paris last week (with a side trip to Bruges, which was incredible).  Not going to lie – there were some stressful bits in there. Figuring trains out is not my strong suit, team! Plus both Jimmy and I were sick at different times during the trip. Did we get on each other’s nerves? Mos def! (Was Mos Def there? Wouldn’t know it if I saw it!)*

Anyway! I learned some powerful lessons these past few weeks about being in love with a sometimes-shitbird. Lessons like “pretending to fall asleep when he’s mad at you”.

So I made these like reverse s’mores.  With Nutella and these basic-b cut-out cookies. I’ve made homemade marshmallows a few times now and I’m always surprised by how dang easy they are to make.  Messy, but easy – y’all!

To make your marshmallows – you will need a cooking thermometer.  Just make sure you have one before you get started, trick, cuz it’s IMPORTANT!  Here’s what else:

3 packets of unflavored gelatin

1/2 cuppa cold water + another 1/2 cuppa cold water (so like a full dang cuppa water, but you use the half-cups separately – OK????)

1-1/2 cuppa gran sugar

1 cuppa corn syrup

1/4 cuppa corn starch

1/4 cuppa powdered sugar

  1.  Put the first 1/2 cuppa cold water and the gelatin in your mixer bowl and just set that shit aside for a bit
  2. In a saucepan, put the rest of the water and the gran sugar and the corn syrup.  Medium heat that shit for like 3 minutes COVERED!  Then, uncover that mess and keep heating for about 8 minutes.  USE YOUR THERMOMETER HERE.  You want this mess to get to 240 degrees.  When it’s that hot, shut the heat off and move your junk to a not-hot burner.
  3. Start mixing the gelatin/water mix on slow.  Then slowly add in the sugar/corn syrup/water mix and turn the dang speed up to HIGH!  (Remember that movie SPEED with Keanu Reeves and Sandy Bullocks?  WILDCAT!).  I think this is the stage when you can also add in some flavors if that’s your jam.  Like lavender or jalapeno or whatever the F you want!  I like mine regular because I’m a slow-cooked meatball.  But this is your jam now, biscuithead – you do you!
  4. Mix this shit for like 12 – 15 minutes on HIGH!!!!  It’s gonna look like marshmallow fluff pretty dang quick!  Weeeeeeeeee!
  5. In a little bowl, mix up the powdered sugar and the corn starch.
  6. Slightly grease up a 13 x 9 pan and then take some of your sugar/starch mix and coat that shit up.  It’ll take like a spoonful of your mix – SAVE THE REST, PLAYER!  You’ll need it.
  7. OK!  Once your fluff is done mixing, take a greased up spatula and pour it out evenly in your pan.  This is how you make marshmallows, OK????  Cover the top with a coating of the sugar/starch mix.  This makes your mallows non-sticky.
  8. Ugh – this is the worst part – you need to set this shit aside uncovered for 4 HOURS to set up.  FOUR HOURS!!!!!!  Put on some Kimmy Schmidts to pass the time.  I love the Mimi-heavy episodes.  “Away gypsy! No babies for you here!”
  9. When your 4 hours are up, slice those shits up and coat the new sticky sides with the rest of your sugar/starch combo mix-up.

Like I said up above, you can make these into s’mores if it curls your hair to do so.  I used Nutella, which I microwave a little bit to soften up.  I plopped on some little cookies at the end.  These letter cookies are so fun – you can call your boyfriend a shitbird and he’ll love it.  And he’ll love you!  Score 100 for Jack Volpi!

 *this was a joke from Happy Endings. Ugh I wish that show was still on.  Humph. 


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