BOURBON & PECAN ICED CREAM!

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Is everyone watching the Nate Berkus design show after the new Trading Spaces? Here’s the skinny – it’s just another home design show. It’s nothing to write Grandma about really, except Nate’s design partner is his huz Jeremiah Brent and this dude is ADORABLE.

Just look at this dude’s perfect hair.

UGH!

“Look at me! Some of my dang hair is real short and the rest is kind of long and the long bits are medium messy, but also not at all messy at the same time. And it’s parted with a cute little part. Aren’t I the CUTEST?”

Yes and I hate you.

Beyond the overwhelmingly cute face/hair combo, there’s the following;

1. He makes a lot of faces. Like Nate says something dumb or the homeowner says something insane, Jeremiah looks at the camera and mugs a little and even his mug face is cute.

2. He wears so many jackets and hats. And the hats are so stupid. All so so stupid. But he makes them all so cute.

What the fuck is this hat?

What are these hats??? What’s your hat budget????

This one again?

3. I have terrible allergies right now and my eyes are solid red and I sneeze holes right through my Kleenex. Like the tissues do NOTHING compared to my sneezes. And as I’m writing this blog about sweet angel baby Jeremiah, I sneezed like a pint of boogs right onto my arm. So, I’m just feeling like I’m not living my best life right now.

JEREMIAH – you’re making me feel bad about myself!

Ugh.

Anyway! It’s a medium show with a v handsome person in it and that’s really all this blog is about!

Re: the iced cream, I kind of beefed it this week, y’all. I think I underchurned it and popped it into the freezer before letting it get to full ice cream stage. So it looks weird.

Also – The recipe called for some salted, buttered, toasted pecans and I had the bright idea to add sugar and cinnamon to them and I think I burnt the pecans on accident. And I used them anyway!? Why??? The benadryl? Ugh. Maybe.

I will say that the bourbon is a real unexpected treat. My friend Leslie used to drink bourbon in college and I would drink a little bit with her BUT NOT TOO MUCH BECAUSE I WAS AN R.A. AND I WAS RESPONSIBLE. (Lol – I was an awful RA.). So – yeah – the bourbon flavor really takes me back to Leslie’s apartment in Evanston! Hi, Leslie!

Also – I feel like my ice cream photography stinks. Ice cream is hard to make and hard to photograph. I’m having major doubts about everything. MAJOR DOUBTS!!!!!

You hear that, Jeremiah? I think you’re contributing to my self-esteem spiral.

Ok everyone! I’m in bed now and jimmy and the dogs are snoring and it’s so hot in this bedroom and my nose is clamped up and so I’m mouth breathing tonight.

GOOD NIGHT!!!!

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BUCKEYE STATE ICE CREAM!

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Hey y’all!

Well, my brains feel pretty tired this morning and I don’t have a lot to talk about!

I made the Jeni’s Buckeye State* ice cream yesterday and hooooo-weeee! It’s real real good! I used this honeyed peanut butter that I found at the Whole Foods. Woof! That’s good peanut butter!

Also – I’m getting the hang of it now, which excites me. It’s like make a corn starch/milk slurry. Cream up son cream cheese and salt. Boil milk, cream, corn syrup and sugar for 4 minutes. Add that slurry. Boil one more minute. Then, mix in in with the cream cheese and chill that shit in an ice bath for 30 min. Then – my fave part – the churning….

I made a video of the churning! I really love the churn, y’all!

Anyway – jimmy and I ran the Columbus quarter marathon yesterday and then I had some mimosas and then the ice cream and I made a mess of the kitchen. And then I went to see drag queens! And oh! I got an offer on my house and I’m real happy about that! And now it’s Sunday and I wish I was watching movies and eating ice cream, but I have to help my dad move some junk and I’m meeting my cousin to talk about wedding favors! Weeeeeeee!

And this was a lame post! I’m real sorry!

My brains!

*buckeye = peanut butter & chocolate, ok???

GORGONZOLA & GRAHAM CRACKER ICE CREAM!!!

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Hey y’all!

This is #4 on my ice cream journey. I know I’ve been playing it pretty safe with these flavors. Nothing too wild, no fruit flavors, no booze yet… but today was exciting because it was the first time I think I’ve ever had a Gorgonzola ice cream.

And honk my hooters – it’s fucking amazing.

Fist things first – I had about three glasses of wine this afternoon. Jimmy and I bought two sofas, a giant rug and a kitchen light fixture today and that put handsome back THOUSANDS of doll-hairs. Thank Christ for credit cards, amirite? So to celebrate, we went to the While Foods (more like Whole Paycheck, right ladies????) and cracked open a bottle of rosé. So I’m feeling loose as a goose!

Would you like to see one of the sofas???

Please note the man in the background – DOES NOT COME WITH THE SOFA!

Thank you, Cameron, for pointing him out….

This sofa is going in the flop room. And this sofa (in charcoal…) will go in the fireplace room….

Its a sectional!!!! I’m so excited!!!! They’re both sectionals and I’m so proud of myself – I’m 41 and have a maybe-someday husband and three sectionals. (Don’t ask about the third sectional. Jim bought it from a gypsy and it’s terrible and I don’t even want to talk about it.)

Anyway – I remembered at the Whole Foods that you can make ice cream with Gorgonzola cheese and so I bought some and then I made the ice cream when we got home and it’s so good and I’m supposed to bring it over to Rita’s tomorrow for dinner, but I might eat the whole thing tonight and I’m so sorry!

(I won’t eat it – I promise – I have a quarter marathon that I’m running on Saturday and I just need to control myself, ok????).

Anyway -this was page 46 of the first Jeni’s book! And also – by far the easiest ice cream I’ve made to date. THE EASIEST!

Ok! That’s all I have, y’all!

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE: Salted Caramel Ice Cream + Homemade Ice Cream Cone!!!

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Jimmy and I have been full-on shacked up now for over 10 full weeks.  MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT!  As two dudes who have not had roommates for quite a long while, it’s pretty impressive that we’ve not murdered each other yet.  That said – he’s out for a quicko business trip this week and I am using the time to reorganize the kitchen cupboards and move his GrodyTown™ bedroom rug to the guest bedroom.

I’m also doubling up this week on my ice cream production.  Last night, I made my all-time favorite – Jeni’s Salted Caramel (pages 102 & 103 of the Jeni’s At Home book).  I was nervous to get it on because I didn’t want to fuck it up.

Well – I fucked it up.  BUT JUST A LITTLE!  Even with the little fuck-up, it’s still completely incredible.  The degree of difficulty on Salted Caramel is like a 9/10.  Not only do you have all of the same fiddly steps as a normal ice cream, but you also need to make a caramel, which is, in itself, a nightmare.  In the end, the caramel turned out just fine – it was my cream cheese that chunked out in the final product.

This is what eating my Salted Caramel sounds like: “oh! yay! this sure is delicious – but also – wait – what???  am i just chomping down on a cream cheese chunk for no reason?  I guess I am!  UNSETTLING!  Did a raccoon make this shit?”

I promise – I will figure this out.  This is really just my third real attempt at ice cream, so I’m still getting used to all of the steps and the things….  STOP JUDGING ME!

On a positive note, I also bought a waffle cone iron and now I’m making all of my own ice cream cones.  I’M MAKING ICE CREAM CONES!

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Y’all!  Making cones is so easy – it’s just like a pancake batter and then you burn the shit out of your hands and SHABLAM – you’ve got cones!

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Anyway – my dingus fiance gets home on Thursday and I can’t wait and that’s all I have going on in my dang life right now!

#115: Ginger Snaps & Honeyed Buttermilk Ice Cream Sammies

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Hey y’all! My ice cream adventure continues! This week, I made Jeni’s honeyed buttermilk ice cream from the Desserts book (page 48). I didn’t make the suggested cornbread gravel because I had no idea where to find buttermilk powder (I suppose you can find it online, but I’M SCARED OF THE DARK WEB!)

So I made the ice cream, which has a very distinct smoky almost bitter flavor and jimmy suggested ginger snaps as a go-with. And wouldn’t you dang know it – I’ve never made ginger snaps on this doggone blog!

This is the link to the ginger snap recipe I used which I liked very much!

So, Jeni – this is #2 on my ice cream journey and it’s really a labor of dang love! Ice cream ain’t easy! I’m guessing that the more I do it, the easier it’ll get, but right now, it’s just dang fiddly!

Lastly – a quick apology to my number one sister. We went to South Carolina last weekend and I got a combination cold/allergies which was a real vacation shitshow. And then I made you sick too.

BUT – I also had so much fun! Here are my highlight photos!

This is how Rita drives. She’s so fun!

A fashion trend i’m starting…

A dog in a pick-up truck.

me and my pal Clarence at the Gun Show in atlanta.

TURTLE!

And that pretty much sums it all up! We also ran a 10k and had biscuits but I lost those photos. IF I FIND THEM AGAIN, I’LL ADD THEM LATER!!!!

Bye y’all!

IMPORTANT WORK BLOG: I’m Replacing Sports Analogies at Work with Baking Analogies. PLEASE READ.

ATTENTION!

I work in a giant corporate office.  I’ve worked in giant corporate offices for most of my adult life and there are definite upsides – mainly paychecks.  But I’ve noticed that in order to fit in at most of these places, a lot of dumb sports talk happens.  There is a whole lot of talk about sport games over weekends and March Madness brackets and fantasy leagues and golf handicaps.  But even in business meetings, sport talk gets dropped in as metaphor to the thing that maybe doesn’t need a sport metaphor.  I already don’t give two fucks about your Final Fours and your Super Bowl whatevers, so talking about “blocking and tackling” in my marketing meeting makes my brains want to blow themselves out.

Well guess what.

I’M OVER IT.  I am taking a vow right now that I will never use another sport talk metaphor ever again.  No more swinging for the fences or 90 yard lines or full court presses.  I barely know what any of that shit even means.

INSTEAD – I’m going to start using baking metaphors and I don’t give two shits who’s in the room to hear them.  Rita and I brainstormed some good ones over the weekend.  Please consider:

  • Stiff Peaks.  When something has achieved its perfect state.  “Well, Brenda, that idea seems like STIFF PEAKS to me!  Let’s call the Board of Directors immediately!”
  • Mise en Place.  State of readiness.  “Brenda, how’s your business meeting leave-behind MISE-EN-PLACE?”  (note – PRE-HEATED OVEN could also work here….  “Brenda, is your oven pre-heated?  The convention is in three fucking days!”)
  • 68% Cacao!  This is perfect!  “Brenda!  Well done on that quarterly financial report!  68% CACAO!”
  •  Soufflé.  When you were so close to perfection, but then you deflate at the last minute.  “I thought Brenda gave a great interview, but she sure did SOUFFLÉ when we asked her about her criminal record.”
  • Footless Macaron. Unacceptable work product.  “I gave Brenda four weeks to hand in that research summary, had like three phone calls with her to make sure she knew what the fuck she was doing and she still turned in a FOOTLESS MACARON.  This is fucking bullshit.”
  • Last Year’s Lamb Cake.  The current standard against which all future performance will be measured.  “Listen, Brenda – we’d really love to consider your request for a raise, but your work lately just isn’t LAST YEAR’S LAMB CAKE.”
  • Drop Your Heat Down to 250. Relax, dickhead! “Brenda!  I know that your product’s sales are in the toilet, but you need to DROP YOUR HEAT DOWN TO 250 before we walk into that all-associate meeting.”

OK.

Putting this list together really dropped my heat down to 250.  I feel so refreshed now and ready to interact with my coworkers again.  I don’t anticipate many will actually read this shit, but maybe I’ll be in a meeting someday and someone will give me a “68% Cacao” – and then I’ll know I made a difference in this dumb world.

Have a blessed day!  BYE!!!!

SALTY VANILLA FROZEN CUSTARD! (AND CANDIED PECANS!)

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I’m working through a new thought this week. I’m gonna take a diversion from cookies and get into ice cream for a while. Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams is headquartered right over there 👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼 (in Columbus!) and I very much want to be Jeni’s Ice Cream VP. I don’t know if this is an actual job that can be had, but I’m putting it out in the universe that I want it. So I’m going to spend the next few months going real deep in the Jeni’s cookbook and maybe this will inform my maybe one day interview.

This is a picture of the cookbook….

(I’m blogging in bed, y’all! Hi, Gordon! Hi, Dick Nickles! (Those are the lumberjacks on my flannel sheets – FYI))

To get started, I made the salty vanilla frozen custard on pages 60 & 61.

Now if you remember from long ago, I tried my hand at an ice cream before and it was total garbage. link here, y’all! I said I was happy with it in the blog, but truthfully, it was a real barf and I threw it out.

So I was nervous about this recipe. I didn’t want another barf, you dig? It’s just that in order to not get a barf, you really do need to commit to a real PROCESS. It’s multiple bowls and getting milk to boil without exploding and having enough ice around for an ice bath and like just a lot of steps!!!!

But, guess what! The recipe is a winner. This is some creamy, dreamy shit, y’all. If you do all the things with all the ingredients, you get maybe the best dang ice cream in the whole fucking world.

Now then – I have a few thoughts….

1. I didn’t think it was all that salty, y’all. The recipe calls for 3/4 tsp of salt, but I think you can maybe go 1-1/4 tsp. That might ruin it, but at least do a full 1 tsp. If you’re gonna say salty, it should have a salt moment happening!

2. I used my own Volpi Vanilla in this recipe. Remember when I made that???

Holy shit – this is potent vanilla! It’s like SHBLAM! VANILLA!!!!! And some whiskey!!!! Like maybe more whiskey than vanilla. This is a flavor a very much like in a frozen custard. I got the recipe in the Sarah Kieffer cookbook. Please do go check that out. NOTE – vanilla beans are expensive and NOTE TWO – it takes 8 weeks at least for the extract to become an extract.

3. I felt a little *different*…

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… about just a vanilla custard for my first showing here, so I also made some candied pecans for a topper and you bet your candied ass that was a good idea. The good news is – to candy pecans, you need some egg white (just 1) – along with sugar, salt and cinnamon – and pecans. Duh. But because the custard calls for six egg yolks, you’ve got egg whites out your butthole. Here’s your recipe for candied pecans!

Ok. I’m going to keep making ice creams for the next little while. Maybe some cookies mixed in, but a lot more ice creams. And JENI BRITTON BAUER – if you read this – hello! I would like to work for you! Please hire me!